I have a heavy heart tonight. I feel exhausted, not physically but emotionally. I feel as though my heart cannot take much more and then “BAM”, there’s more. I don’t mean to exaggerate(I know that I have that tendency) I just want a day or so of quiet. I am surrounded by hard and stressful things and situations. Situations that I can do nothing about. Marriages cracking under the weight of disappointments and “life” fatigue. Children carrying the weight of other mens sin. People whose lives are slipping away as they sit in offices without any human interaction listening to the hum of their computers and the buzz of florescent lights. Now I’m really being dramatic.

Life is hard. Plain and simple. Tonight I feel that more than usual and it makes me want to run away. It makes me want to get in my car and drive. I am hurting for people that I love dearly. I ache for friends who are facing things that I have nightmares about. Does it stop? Do we get a break? At this point living in a bubble of delusion looks pretty good. Where everything works out just like you want it and everyone is happy. Pain is far away and no one that I know is suffering. Like in the Matrix. Why is that so wrong? I want to save these loved ones. I want to make it all better but I can’t. I want to heal the marriages and make people love again.I want to make the nightmares go away and bring the sunrise but I can’t fix anything, so I am left feeling helpless. But not hopeless. There is always hope.

Life is hard, but God is good.  That is what I will remember as I fall asleep tonight. Steve is sleeping next to me right now as I type. I can feel his breath on my arm. Comfort. I finished my first song in 10 years yesterday… I’ll post it tomorrow.  There is hope…… hope and comfort.